just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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