I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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