Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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