i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
