her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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