end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
