Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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