where does the pee come out of this thing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
