Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (901)

Last Night in Tennessee (901)

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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.

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(901): She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/lor2

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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.

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(901): Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/fm4c

Replies (3) Good night (1022) Bad night (408)
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.

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(901): You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM. http://tfl.nu/iytk

Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (392)
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."

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(901): I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from." http://tfl.nu/m6hb

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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?

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(901): No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants? http://tfl.nu/d3zx

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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

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(901): I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/oaek

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This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.

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(901): This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/m2hu

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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?

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Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.

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(901): Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood? (1-901): Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine. http://tfl.nu/uq9s

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A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.

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(901): A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird. http://tfl.nu/mrcn

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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.

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(901): I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad. http://tfl.nu/k439

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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella

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(901): The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella http://tfl.nu/24ug

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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.

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(901): No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state. http://tfl.nu/kqwr

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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.

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(901): Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life. http://tfl.nu/oxrc

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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!

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(901): You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?! http://tfl.nu/9kiq

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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian

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(901): He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian http://tfl.nu/6if3

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Last Night in Tennessee (901)

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