two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.