He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses