If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?