You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.