THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...