You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!