Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (908)

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

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  (908): At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well. http://tfl.nu/xx0y
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  almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow

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  (908): almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/cscz
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  i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.

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  (908): i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend. http://tfl.nu/myz5
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  I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.

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  (908): I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well. http://tfl.nu/i8n0
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  Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet

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  (908): Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet http://tfl.nu/3286
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  All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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  (908): All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head http://tfl.nu/0vd0
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  At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...

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  (908): At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ... http://tfl.nu/ikiv
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  I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.

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  (908): I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag. http://tfl.nu/b0zy
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  I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.

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  (908): I think I actually have rug burn on my eye. http://tfl.nu/mvqe
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  We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow

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  (908): We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow http://tfl.nu/g44q
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  Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?

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  (908): Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good? http://tfl.nu/2d9n
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  but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.

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  (908): but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before. http://tfl.nu/ra7g
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  do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?

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  (908): do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants? http://tfl.nu/rdvq
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  Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future

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  (908): Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future http://tfl.nu/p1r4
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  Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.

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  (908): Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ge44
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