A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.