i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.