my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem