I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT