Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (847)

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  So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.

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  (847): So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day. http://tfl.nu/zt4q
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  It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.

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  Those were right hand only?

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  (847): It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times. (224): Those were right hand only? http://tfl.nu/iwna
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  When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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  (847): When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off. http://tfl.nu/w3pn
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  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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  (847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg
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  eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea

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  (847): eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea http://tfl.nu/myhx
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  Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.

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  (847): Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs. http://tfl.nu/vh12
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  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

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  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
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  They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs

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  (847): They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs http://tfl.nu/t67m
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  Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.

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  (847): Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie. http://tfl.nu/jaub
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  okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

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  (847): okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy. http://tfl.nu/r1l8
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  This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.

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  (847): This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car. http://tfl.nu/cnfz
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  Do vagina's smell?

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  (847): Do vagina's smell? http://tfl.nu/tts8
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  I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce

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  (847): I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce http://tfl.nu/nrhe
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  my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed

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  (847): my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed http://tfl.nu/8ny3
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  He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.

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  (847): He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that. http://tfl.nu/228l
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