Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry