You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration