The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.