There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation