I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.