So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is