Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.