Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover