Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!