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God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
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