Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.