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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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