You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.