she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
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sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.