Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.