Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe