The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.