Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (570)

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  Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.

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  (570): Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice. http://tfl.nu/vtyg
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  jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

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  (570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k
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  the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

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  (570): the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad http://tfl.nu/6zrt
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  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

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  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

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  yup.

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  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
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  We need to start having sex underwater more often.

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  (570): We need to start having sex underwater more often. http://tfl.nu/04ms
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  i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.

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  (570): i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight. http://tfl.nu/4ka1
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  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

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  (570): so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses" http://tfl.nu/fgtz
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  does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

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  (570): does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid? http://tfl.nu/ldlo
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  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

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  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
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  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
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  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
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  Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?

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  (570): Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting? http://tfl.nu/d43k
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  the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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  (570): the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex http://tfl.nu/q8xg
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  i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

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  (570): i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me http://tfl.nu/vizy
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  there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.

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  (570): there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line. http://tfl.nu/z4vy
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