But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint