I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.