Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.