How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.