The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.