Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (614)

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  Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.

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  (614): Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis. http://tfl.nu/937p
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  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
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  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

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  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
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  Want to have sex later?

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  This feels like a trap

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  (419): Want to have sex later? (614): This feels like a trap http://tfl.nu/uak4
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  I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?

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  (614): I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place? http://tfl.nu/g0k2
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  Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen

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  (614): Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/x16d
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  You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.

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  (614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts. http://tfl.nu/90f4
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  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
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  There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.

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  Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.

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  (614): There is a man walking 2 goats through the city. (614): Bonus: only one of them was on a leash. http://tfl.nu/ht0h
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  Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.

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  (614): Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world. http://tfl.nu/u33z
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  so are u like ashamed lol?

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  not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip

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  (614): so are u like ashamed lol? (513): not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip http://tfl.nu/sr1n
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  The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.

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  (614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia. http://tfl.nu/rank
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  She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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  (614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/41t8
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  youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

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  (614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right? http://tfl.nu/3ekq
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  god. i hate danny gokey.

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  Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.

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  he's mormon right? lame.

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  (614): god. i hate danny gokey. (1-614): Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk. (614): he's mormon right? lame. http://tfl.nu/r00r
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