Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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