I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish there were birth control emojis
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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