He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.