I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.