You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him