You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.