Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (781)

Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"

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(781): Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade" http://tfl.nu/du64

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when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

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then i met college

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(781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton (781): then i met college http://tfl.nu/kd7x

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Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

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Fear?

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FEAR.

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(617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi

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my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen

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(781): my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen http://tfl.nu/zgta

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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.

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(781): picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already. http://tfl.nu/ugv0

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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

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(781): Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms http://tfl.nu/wx24

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i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage

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(781): i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage http://tfl.nu/ka66

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i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

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(781): i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up. http://tfl.nu/navv

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did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?

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(781): did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt? http://tfl.nu/bzrm

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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured

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I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed

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(781): Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured (617): I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed http://tfl.nu/ilci

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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.

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(781): Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in. http://tfl.nu/jeg6

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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous

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(781): The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous http://tfl.nu/9eck

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Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe

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(781): Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe http://tfl.nu/gdp0

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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.

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(781): I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path. http://tfl.nu/8tge

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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?

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(781): One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach? http://tfl.nu/leuf

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Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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