So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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