Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth