He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.