cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'