ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.