ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina