Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.