Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Follow @tfln