that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.