that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.