Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.