I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
