I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
