omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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