Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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